My Monkey

Temptation is a hungry beast.

Of all my old habits and forms of thought, lust is my worst enemy. Fear and self loathing are easily overcome with Love and Logic. The desire for material things is not problem, because I'm minimalist to begin with. What I don't think I need, I don't buy. Simple. Lust, on the other hand, is a whole different ball game.

Two weeks ago when this journey began, my first act was to purge my computer of all the porn. Most men in this culture have some form of this materiel hidden somewhere in their hard drive and I was not alone in this regard. I used to jokingly refer to my self as an "evil Scorpio"as a statement of my maleness. Although I knew that it was disrespectful to see woman as objects , I did so anyway. Now I am fully aware of the destructive nature of this habit. It's still hard(no pun intended) to encounter a beautiful woman and not think about sex. But as these thoughts appear I am now actively working to ignore them. This is not easy, to say the least, and I know it's going to be an ongoing process, but I have made the commitment to work through it.

I am currently reading St. Augustine's, Confessions, and I'm finding great joy in discovering the saint had to work though the same stuff. In fact, the times in which he lived are not much different then ours. The secular culture of his time was full of the same temptations. He speaks of the theater(TV and movies), the gladiators(sport fanaticism), greed(capitalism)and various forms of teenage rebellion(sex, theft and violence) etc. The way he talks about his personal lust inspires me the most though. It's almost funny to hear him rant about his sinful youth and it would be funnier if the folly of it wasn't so true.